Projectile Pukies

Warning: This is a first time parent discussion of a sick baby. It's gross. Really gross. You probably don't want to read it. (Unless you've ever had to, or will have to, care for an ill infant...)


Last week Jax turned 1, and got his first stomach flu. If you are wondering how much fun it is to have a baby who channels exorcist style up-chuck*, the answer is: none... unless you're the spouse watching the other lucky parent be baptized in vomit.

There is something so sad and so absurdly funny about trying to plan your life around a baby who has been reduced solely to a random cookie tosser. How long can you hold him? What can you afford risking to wear? How many towels should you stack under him at night? Is double folding said towels really creating twice the amount of bile absorption, or should you discard both layers with each attempted stomach evacuation?


It is just so sad when your sweet baby suddenly smells more like he's been worshiping the porcelain god at some frat house rather than smelling like a parcel of angelic goodness soaked in unicorn tears of blissful joy while swaddled in the virgin linens of the fairies of light. I mean, how can a child who has had his diet completely reduced to a few minutes of nursing at a time ingest enough to produce a bathtub's worth of toxic waste?

Did I mention poo? I should bring that up. See, if your baby's "tummy" doesn't feel good, and there is barfing, it often means the sh*t is about to hit the fan. (And, because of the projectile nature of these issues, it just might). I mean, if you think your baby is impressive when he Ralph's across the room, just wait 'till you see what the other end can handle. I admit that since we EC with Jax, I get to *literally* see and feel the wrath of the intestinal track with more visual acuity than most, but I'm pretty sure no one could miss the Dante's Inferno of smells that would accompany even the most contained of said fecal explosions. I think it is entirely possible that my son has expelled the entire range of possible combination of road kill entrails decomposition gases whilst maintaining his vegetarian status.

In case our first fight with force migration of stomach contents wasn't exciting enough, the whole thing seemingly stopped for eight hours only to return with an obscene vengeance. You start to relax, you do things like start to get ready for bed in your room again, cuddling the child you only recently reclaimed from possession by the spirit of the Chunk Blower... only to have him channel said spirit all over your fresh clean nightgown, his pajamas, your sheets, your pillows, and, your sanity. No, dear reader, he did not just "lose his lunch," he eradicated in a way that makes the idea of Taco Le Bell's "fourthmeal" seem like a reasonable nutritional option.

Add to this the amazing feat of producing gallons of frothy green turdlets, and the hilarity of AGAIN mistakenly thinking your son is cured, letting him snitch a minuscule tidbit of black fondant from his penguin-themed cake (in case you were wondering, one micro gram of "black" food coloring can produce an entire night's worth of blue and aqua excitement), and you have a techni-color nightmare meant for the historic annals of parenting.

Apparently, you also have a Top 11 blog post for regurgitation. WIN!

* Top 11 Puke Terms used:
Up-chuck
Vomit
Cookie tossing
Bile
Stomach evacuation
Worshiping the porcelain god
Ralphing
Forced migration of stomach contents
Blow chunks
Lose your lunch

Discovering the Tribe of the Penguina

I was lucky to meet my husband in college. We were in a self-contained environment that made becoming friends, and dating, simple. Life after college is not so easy. Even after getting married, you find yourself trying to find friends. You have friends who are still unmarried and/or in and out of relationships but you also want friends who are going through the same things in life that you are. You start doing what I like to call "couples dating." You know, where you and your significant other spend time with other folks who are also paired up. You don't ditch your old friends, you just add new groups. Sometimes friends transition into the couples group, or, sadly, back out, but it is helpful to have a mirror to reflect who you are as an individual and as a couple. I'm sure these norms will be true of my parenting relationships as well.


I was rather shocked to find myself going through all this yet AGAIN when I had a baby. I was bound and determined not to be one of THOSE couples that disappeared with the baby only to surface again at a random PTA meeting when their child was in third grade. I didn't want to stop being friends or spending time with them just because our lives had gone through a dramatic shift. Nor should I have to. But, just like couples dating, it turned out I needed something different. I didn't want to scare some uninterested young woman by telling her how awesome my placenta looked and how I was giving it to a search and rescue program 'cuz human organs are hard to come by. I needed people I could ask if it was normal that I felt really conflicted about my breasts being both sexual and udders. While I trusted my friends (both single and coupled) to be there for me, I realized it was ok to seek something beyond what I currently had. I wasn't sure what it was or that I even really needed it, but I was at least sort of aware that I wanted an additional form of support.

There are plenty of ways to go about finding supportive people in your life. When trying to conceive I need online support, people who were there when I wanted and needed them, but who didn't "really" have to exist for me. I could celebrate the joy of their positive pregnancy test without having to endure a baby shower or see them every day. I found that with Jax I needed to get out of the house and into a very real place. I needed to see and talk to actual physical people and have a reason to comb my hair, even if I wasn't going to manage a shower. My son wasn't old enough to see beyond my arms, but I needed a play date. A chance to sit with someone and just shoot the breeze about all this bizarre baby stuff in my life. I really needed a Mommy Tribe.

For me, it happened at my first La Leche League meeting. Yeah, I learned about breastfeeding, and it was really neat and great and all that… but it was the few minutes after the meeting when these ladies really got to talking that I knew. I mean, what sort of crazy people consider Sci-Fi inspired names for their children? Or homeschool AND go to Dragon*Con? My people. I knew it when a woman I had just met looked across the table at me when I cracked some Über nerd pun and said "You've found your tribe!" It was true. I got in my car and I wept. It is a bizarre and spiritual thing to find something you didn't know you needed so profoundly. (Before you get too excited, I'd also like to note that I was about three weeks post partum, insanely hormonal, and had just found a parking ticket on the windshield of my car).

Finding my Mommy Tribe was a transformative experience. Here they were, like minded people who are raising their children with the same basic core values I hold dear. In my case, they happen to be pretty much exclusively women… which is not really surprising considering I met most of them through a La Leche League meeting. They are not, however, the homogenous group one might expect. Often, when I describe a basic group of breastfeeding cloth diapering mama's people picture either a group of crazy hippies or ultra conservative nuts. I would say my Mommy Tribe has both and they are really the more awesome for it. That's what I need. My husband told me it sounded like my Mommy Tribe was the start to a really great joke: "A Pagan, a Catholic, a Mormon, and a Seventh-Day Adventist walk into a room…" and the diversity goes way beyond that to matters of intimacy and lifestyle choice. Why am I telling you this? Because I want to surround myself with people who are like me in the ways that are important to nurturing who I want to become, but different enough to stimulate my thoughts, to make me stand up for what I believe, to be accepting and tolerant, to see the world through another prism. I want my son to grow up around people who encourage him to be his best, to know why he believes what he believes, and who love him for who he is no matter what. That's what I've found in my Mommy Tribe.


I've got an upcoming post about dealing with the Mommy Tribe relationship, because, like any relationship, it definitely has its ups and downs. I'm also looking for suggestions for posts as this month I'm going for a post a day in honor of NaNoWriMo just type already style efficiencies.

The Big Stuff: What a New Mom REALLY Used

My previous post discussed the smaller stuff I really used, this one looks at the larger things I really put to work. We're really talking big in space and/or dollars, generally speaking, but still the items we chose to use and that made our lives that much easier. I'd also note that all of these are way under $100s so "big" is pretty relative. In fact, with the exception of gifts, most of these items were found used on Craigslist or in consignment stores.


Travel Bed
They sound silly, but, if you're going to travel with a pre-mobile infant, it is an awesome thing to have. We have the Eddy Bauer version and it comes with two dangley toys, and a toy bar which is impossibly to easily store with the travel bed, but cute to have. The great thing is that this has a couple of giant pockets and folds up to throw over your shoulder and voila! You have a clean safe place to set down baby for sleep, or diaper changes, or just because you can. We hauled this thing to Florida and Wisconsin before Jax was two months old and it was a work horse!


Boppy
I know everyone says it, but it's true. It's not just for breastfeeding... (after all, it was invented as a baby sitting aid). It is a life saver for anyone holding a baby in those "just right" positions that would be super uncomfortable pretty quickly without support. As seen above, it's also handy for diversifying tummy time.

I also suggest springing for a couple of covers (keep an eye out at your local thrift and consignment stores). Boppy's are easy enough to wash, but covers are quicker and there will be spit-up... believe me... lots of spit up.


Swing
I intentionally shopped for and bought the Fisher Price Papasan Nature's Touch Cradle Swing for several reasons. 1. It was the least offensive color scheme available. 2. The daycare where I had worked had used it for the three years I had been working there pretty much twelve hours a day and it was still in fine form. 3. I knew I could get it used online or on Craigslist.

The major downside of this swing, which I knew going into it, is that it eats through D sized batteries like a pregnant me consumed Circus Peanuts. We invested in rechargable batteries which was another big chunk up front, but a known sacrifice. I would have preferred a plug in, or better yet, old school crank and wind option, but not to shabby. He loves the mirrored middle of the mobile but is more amused by the things I dangle from it than the leaves and butterflys that come from the factory.


Jumperoo
I hate that these and the exersaucers are giant plastic pieces hideousness. Plus, you only use them for a few months, and, they take up a ton of floor space. I'm inventing something better, but it's not done yet. Before you go and suggest I do the door swing or a walker, those are both pretty much universally shunned by the baby world as death traps. The door swings are a strangulation hazard, and the walkers are bad developmentally, and worse for horrific accidents. Don't go looking for the stories, but it's bad news.

The up side is, Jax LOVES this. He bounces and squeals and generally treats it like baby crack. You'll hear that these aren't great developmentally and that your baby shouldn't be in them for extended periods of time... but when I want to spend more than 30 seconds in the bathroom without taking my son along... this thing is priceless.


Baby Bath Tub
This is another one of those things you totally DO NOT need (But I, secretly, love). We have this cute blow up duck and when you pinch his bill he goes all AFLACK sound effects on you... well, more normal duck, but that's what I always think. It's also soft and cushy which is good for a baby who likes to slam his limbs into the water a la the Hulk Smash. It was less than $10, and also pretty easy to deflate if you need your space back. We originally used it on the counter, but now it goes right in the big tub. It has a nifty suction cup to hang up to dry/make space for me to torture the dogs by bathing them.

Look for posts in the near future about babywearing (and my collection of carriers), as well as one on what I really wanted to use... but didn't!

The Small Stuff: What a New Mom REALLY Used

I like stuff. My husband, not so much. He fantasizes about not needing shelves and would probably prefer to have one utensil and multipurpose dish per household member. I, on the other hand, am emotionally attached to stuff. My house burning down when I was fourteen probably contributed to this emotional connection, but also made me aware of the temporary nature of stuff.

I tell you this to explain the logic of stuff accumulation in regards to having a baby. Like so many other pregnant women I created a registry, perused catalogs and websites, became a freaky lurker on message boards, and checked out enough books on baby essentials to seriously hurt the gas mileage on the twice weekly trips to and from the library.

So, after my exhaustive research, my basic summary of what one REALLY needs for baby is this:

1. Plan for nutritional input to grow baby... at least one functionally lactating human breast, or alternative if needed.
2. Plan to manage waste output of baby... diapers, Elimination Communication, or alternative if needed.
3. Safe way to transport baby... correctly installed car seat, have baby at home and walk everywhere, or alternative as needed.
4. Safe place for baby to rest... next to caring adult, in co-sleeper, in own bed in same room, or alternative if needed.

That's pretty much it. If you've got those things, pretty much everything else is something you are choosing as a luxury. I'm totally not saying that the luxury things are bad; on the contrary, I think they are AWESOME, hence this post. I have new/expectant moms ask all the time what I really used. That's a totally different question that what I really needed. I had much more fun baby shopping knowing I was choosing things for my luxury rather than feeling like I needed to cross it off the list or else I'd have to attend a 12 step BAADMOM meeting, you know for Behaving As A Dumb Meaningless Oblivious Monster.

What I REALLY Used: The Small Stuff Top 5

Nail Clippers
This is me, scared out of my mind to do the deed. You will hear a million options for dealing with sharp little nails. I needed to deal with them as his face, and my breasts were getting sliced and diced like a crazy Ginsu Knife commercial. You can bite them, use regular clippers, get baby clippers, or get the kind I fell for: the kind with the magnifying glass attached. I loved these. I was so stinkin' scared of slicing his little finger tips that the first time I tried to trim his nails I merely transformed sabers into daggers. These did the trick. I don't use the magnifying glass any more, but they were well worth the $3 at the time!

Sunglasses
Jax has always HATED having bright light in his eyes. I bought three different pairs of baby sunglasses before I discovered the kind with the little strap. Here's the deal; the other kind are cute but they would not stay on his head/face for more than the most cursory of photo op. The ones with the little strap, on the other hand, stay on and sort of mold around to block out the light. He will wear these all afternoon if we're out and about and pretty much only fusses if they get pulled crooked. The neoprene strap is also supposed to float in water, but I don't really need it to. I also like knowing it's better for his sweet 'lil baby eyes.

Swaddlers
Yes, I could swaddle my son using a receiving blanket, but these bad boys were priceless during the first few days of total insanity. They could stretch then Velcro in place, keeping the little guy from waking himself up as soon as he nodded off. This also being the only time in Jax' life when was ever cold, they were a nice layer in winter. We had two brands, and, frankly, both seemed equally easy.

Car Mirrors
This just shows the one in the back, I actually also have one attached to the rear view mirror. That way I don't have to move my rear view mirror or take up the whole back window. These are priceless for me when I'm driving Jax somewhere with no one sitting back there next to him. Just in the last few weeks is he able to see me occasionally when he's checking out the reflection, but really, it's all about me knowing he's ok and breathing.

iPhone
Ok, this is way on the luxury side. It's really handy to play games or check my e-mail when I'm nursing at 3am and can't sleep. Seriously though, we've been using the Total Baby app to track his feedings and diapering since birth. I also use it to track my sleep... which turned out to me more relevant to us than Jax' sleep. Because we had a rough time in the beginning before my milk came in, I was a little paranoid. Since then, the nerd in me just likes the statistics and checking for patterns. Hmmmm he's eating four hours total today instead of his usual two: growth spurt! Now, obviously, we could easily track this another way, or, not at all, but it makes me happy and I use it constantly, therefore, included. *check my next post for thoughts on the carrier*

Antarctica Embraces Cloth Diapers

Having a baby is generally not a total shock, you often get to know as many as eight or nine months ahead of time that someone of the diaper wearing age is about to join your family. (Notable exceptions being friends who adopt on short notice). Hence, I figured since diapering is one of the biggest expenses to accompany a new baby, I'd try to plan ahead to budget for it. Because I've been asked several times about our decision to use cloth, I thought I'd put my diaper notes together.

First things first, I'm by no means an expert. I've been doing it for six months and think it's pretty crazy easy, good for cutting down landfill junk, and a big money saver. Let me also preface this by saying that cloth diapering may not be for everyone. It works for us. It makes sense for us. I've had folks ask about it, and the best jumping off point I've found is DiaperSwappers.com; but you're reading this because you wanted to know what the Queen of the Penguins does with her chick.

What We Penguins Do:

We use BumGenius 3.0 one size and they’re pretty darn easy. I honestly chose them based solely on internet research before I knew anyone in person who uses any cloth diapers *other than the old school pins plus cotton square aka prefolds*. Anyway, these have snaps to size up or down so they'll fit for years, are structured like “disposables” with Velcro, use waterproof cloth on the outside, and have a microfiber soaker insert. We pull those out, and throw it all in a pail, dump it in the washer and wash once on cold (to rinse), then once on hot with about 2 Tablespoons of Rockin’ Green Detergent. (I currently love Smashing Watermelons in Classic Rock)

The wipes are just squares of cloth serged around the edges. I keep a squirt bottle with a couple drops of baby lotion and a couple drops of baby body wash to a cup or so of water and wet down wipes as needed. They get thrown in the diaper bucket. I also now use these for nose blowing and cleaning, they’re handy and one less disposable thing I’m throwing away.

I do diaper laundry about twice a week and have started drying them outside using these nifty octopus hangers, the Pressa, from IKEA. I also have a “wet bag” for the dirties on the road. I "strip" the diapers about once a month by doing a hot soak and adding a little bleach.

Why We Cloth Diaper:

I’d like to claim cloth diapering was all about the environment or what not, because that is important... but, really, it’s mostly about economics. Say you find REALLY cheap disposables for 15 cents a piece. Lets also say you use very few, like 8 a day (We tracked it, and Jax averaged close to 11 for the first few months and is now closer to 9 a day.) That means in one year you’re talking $438 (0.15*8*365). Plus however much wipes are.

Lets say you went over to CottonBabies.com and bought two twelve packs of brand spanking new bumGenius 4.0 diapers at $203.40 a piece for $406.80... (I’d suggest going with the recently discontinued 3.0 line, or going used at DiaperSwappers.com, or looking for a sale or deal, but lets just say, for the sake of argument, that you go new) and two sets of wipes at $11.95 each for $23.90 (again, not sure why you’d spring for brand new brand name pieces of serged flannel, but, say you do) that puts your total at $430.70 (free shipping).

If you add in the laundry costs, then it could, technically, be more expensive to cloth diaper. Until you add that second year, which doubles the cost of disposables and only the laundry prices for cloth... and, unless you really rock the EC and go diaper free, *see next post,* I’m betting you’re going to need diapers for closer to two years minimum.

To be more realistic, disposables seem to average closer to 20 cents a pop, we used closer to 10 diapers a day putting that total estimate at a much heftier $730. I also had no idea how to include wipes in the disposables pricing.

You could also use Econobum diapers with covers and prefolds from the same site and manufacturer for $99 (two sets of 3 diaper covers with 12 prefolds at $49.95 a piece) plus one set of wipes at $11.95 for a yearly total $110.95.

So, you could be talking $110.95 for cloth vs. $1,460 for disposables over two years... cloth diapering can be even cheaper than that if you go a bit more old school/shop around. Those are my quick thoughts and numbers, I'm sure there's plenty of room for variation. If you're local in Atlanta, you should check out Atlanta Diaper Service as an option and for info.

Oh, and on a total side note, cloth diapers come in about a million super cute colors/patterns/designs. They can pretty much function as bottoms during the summer, and offer a veritable plethora of fashion opportunities if you're into that for your "fluff."

P.S. Expect a bunch more New Mom blogging as I answer the most common questions I'm getting from friends and family. I'm not the expert, I'm just a new mom who is willing to share what I've learned so far.