The Small Stuff: What a New Mom REALLY Used

I like stuff. My husband, not so much. He fantasizes about not needing shelves and would probably prefer to have one utensil and multipurpose dish per household member. I, on the other hand, am emotionally attached to stuff. My house burning down when I was fourteen probably contributed to this emotional connection, but also made me aware of the temporary nature of stuff.

I tell you this to explain the logic of stuff accumulation in regards to having a baby. Like so many other pregnant women I created a registry, perused catalogs and websites, became a freaky lurker on message boards, and checked out enough books on baby essentials to seriously hurt the gas mileage on the twice weekly trips to and from the library.

So, after my exhaustive research, my basic summary of what one REALLY needs for baby is this:

1. Plan for nutritional input to grow baby... at least one functionally lactating human breast, or alternative if needed.
2. Plan to manage waste output of baby... diapers, Elimination Communication, or alternative if needed.
3. Safe way to transport baby... correctly installed car seat, have baby at home and walk everywhere, or alternative as needed.
4. Safe place for baby to rest... next to caring adult, in co-sleeper, in own bed in same room, or alternative if needed.

That's pretty much it. If you've got those things, pretty much everything else is something you are choosing as a luxury. I'm totally not saying that the luxury things are bad; on the contrary, I think they are AWESOME, hence this post. I have new/expectant moms ask all the time what I really used. That's a totally different question that what I really needed. I had much more fun baby shopping knowing I was choosing things for my luxury rather than feeling like I needed to cross it off the list or else I'd have to attend a 12 step BAADMOM meeting, you know for Behaving As A Dumb Meaningless Oblivious Monster.

What I REALLY Used: The Small Stuff Top 5

Nail Clippers
This is me, scared out of my mind to do the deed. You will hear a million options for dealing with sharp little nails. I needed to deal with them as his face, and my breasts were getting sliced and diced like a crazy Ginsu Knife commercial. You can bite them, use regular clippers, get baby clippers, or get the kind I fell for: the kind with the magnifying glass attached. I loved these. I was so stinkin' scared of slicing his little finger tips that the first time I tried to trim his nails I merely transformed sabers into daggers. These did the trick. I don't use the magnifying glass any more, but they were well worth the $3 at the time!

Sunglasses
Jax has always HATED having bright light in his eyes. I bought three different pairs of baby sunglasses before I discovered the kind with the little strap. Here's the deal; the other kind are cute but they would not stay on his head/face for more than the most cursory of photo op. The ones with the little strap, on the other hand, stay on and sort of mold around to block out the light. He will wear these all afternoon if we're out and about and pretty much only fusses if they get pulled crooked. The neoprene strap is also supposed to float in water, but I don't really need it to. I also like knowing it's better for his sweet 'lil baby eyes.

Swaddlers
Yes, I could swaddle my son using a receiving blanket, but these bad boys were priceless during the first few days of total insanity. They could stretch then Velcro in place, keeping the little guy from waking himself up as soon as he nodded off. This also being the only time in Jax' life when was ever cold, they were a nice layer in winter. We had two brands, and, frankly, both seemed equally easy.

Car Mirrors
This just shows the one in the back, I actually also have one attached to the rear view mirror. That way I don't have to move my rear view mirror or take up the whole back window. These are priceless for me when I'm driving Jax somewhere with no one sitting back there next to him. Just in the last few weeks is he able to see me occasionally when he's checking out the reflection, but really, it's all about me knowing he's ok and breathing.

iPhone
Ok, this is way on the luxury side. It's really handy to play games or check my e-mail when I'm nursing at 3am and can't sleep. Seriously though, we've been using the Total Baby app to track his feedings and diapering since birth. I also use it to track my sleep... which turned out to me more relevant to us than Jax' sleep. Because we had a rough time in the beginning before my milk came in, I was a little paranoid. Since then, the nerd in me just likes the statistics and checking for patterns. Hmmmm he's eating four hours total today instead of his usual two: growth spurt! Now, obviously, we could easily track this another way, or, not at all, but it makes me happy and I use it constantly, therefore, included. *check my next post for thoughts on the carrier*

Elimination Communication, or, Antarctica Reconsiders the Embrace of Diapers

Spoiler Alert: this post contains frank talk about urination, defecation, and bodily function in general. As in, I'm gonna tell you all about poop and pee and who does what where.Ok, now that THAT is out of the way, I'd like to start by saying I like to defecate in the place of my choosing. I feel better when I do and, I find, it is much less messy than cleaning it out of my underwear and pants. Further more, I prefer that my dogs poop where I would like for them to poop. They hold their urges to go so long as I help them get to where they need to go before they give up and have to go where I'd prefer they not go.

I have found that the above paragraph also applies pretty well to my baby. He seems to feel better when he voluntarily empties his bladder and/or bowels. He seems more comfortable and we both find it to be less messy than my having to wipe smeared poo from the amazing amount of surface area it seems to occupy when I don't get him to the potty in time and he defecates in his diaper. He can hold his need to eliminate for longer and longer periods of time.

OK you say, this makes sense, sort of... except that your son is not even six months old! That is also true, but we have been practicing Elimination Communication, EC for short, since he was four weeks old, so, most of his short life. The practice goes by plenty of other names like Infant Potty Training, Natural Hygiene, and Diaper Free Babies to name a few. The basic idea boils down to this:

1. Babies can and do signal their needs for elimination much like their other needs, such as being hungry or hot.
2. Diapers are a fairly new invention and used mostly in Western cultures or for very young infants.
3. You can work with your child to develop an understanding to facilitate meeting their elimination needs.

Before you freak out and tell me I'm really messing up my child by forcing them to potty train before he is ready and that I'll permanently damage him etc. Let me share a few things that EC is not. It is not attempting to force a child to eliminate, or, to reward or shame a child for his elimination behaviors. It is also not an all or nothing endeavor. Jax wears a diaper almost all the time (although I know several children his age *and younger* who don't wear diapers at all in my monthly local group, Diaper Free Baby of GA/SC).

My Discovery

I stumbled across EC while pregnant and remember thinking "crazy hippies!" I mean, seriously, who tries to potty train a kid who can't get to the toilet? You're going to have to hold over the potty every time he needs to go?! I skimmed a few sites and forgot about it. I was pretty much too busy puking into my toilet to care about whether my son eliminate into it. I had found the cloth diaper world, why would I want anything more?

Then Jax was born, and I noticed he seemed to have a little bowel movement every time he nursed. Because I'm an info-holic, I was reading about this predictability *which is totally normal* and I came across a few references to EC. I spent an hour or two reading, mostly on the Diaper Free Baby website, and thought it sort of made sense. I was dealing with my son's elimination all day anyway, why should it matter if I held him over a toilet or spent twenty more seconds wiping his bum? Of course, I was totally sleep deprived and almost anything "sort of made sense."

Jax was sleeping, as four week old babies are want to do. I thought to myself, this site says babies usually go when they wake up... I'm home alone with the baby... I could try it and, if it didn't work, no one would ever have to know! So, Jax woke up, I took off his diaper and held him over the toilet and made the cue "Psssss sssss" sound. He urinated and then defecated. I almost did too. I literally stood their laughing like an idiot. What the crap? *literally* I could not believe it. He did it again when my husband got home and I was hooked!

My theory is this: any pee or poo that doesn't go into a diaper is poo and pee with which Jax and I don't have to deal. I'm not really worried about potty training, although it seems like it would be much easier with a child who knows when he's going and just has to learn the when and where; rather than working with children to learn when to go and all the places and times not to. The big benefit to me is knowing Jax is more comfortable, and that the two of us are more in sync.


What We Do

In the grand world of EC we're considered "Part Time ECers." Basically it means we don't go without diapers all the time, but we do it more than occasionally, in our case, every day. I'll do a basic break down for you. But do remember, this is just us, just what we, personally do.

When Jax wakes up in the morning, I take off his diaper and hold him over the potty. I cue him by talking about what we are doing "I'm taking off your diaper, it's time to go to the bathroom" and hold him over the toilet with my hands under his thighs and sing the potty song I modified... it goes to the tune of "This is the Way We Wash our Hands...."

"Where do we go to urinate,
defecate, urinate?
Where do we go to urinate?
We do it in the toilet!"

This makes me giggle pretty much every time. I borrowed it from someone who suggested "Where do we go to poop and pee..." but the nerd in me totally loves using the correct word for things. Now, he usually starts to urinate about mid song, if not, I'll further cue by making a "Psssss sssss sss" sound. When we first started he would wait for the cue sound. On a side note, he is often flatulent first thing in the morning, and, lately, will also have a bowel movement every other day or so.

Because I narrate almost everything Jax and I do together, I will then continue "you urinated here in the toilet. Does that feel better? I feel better when I urinate in the toilet." We then will put on a diaper and nurse or do a morning activity.

He usually takes the opportunity to urinate at any given diaper change and I will offer more often if he is kicking or seems fussy for no other obvious reason or just have the gut feeling that he needs to go. He pretty consistently will urinate the most upon waking up from sleeping. If we're going to be home, I'll use a BumGenius 3.0 with no insert or soaker so he can feel as soon as he is wet and get changed immediately. If I am consistent, and offer opportunities *or Pottitunities* at least once an hour, he will generally stay dry for a whole morning or afternoon.

I also try to give him some "naked time" when he is not wearing any bottoms, but is sitting on a towel or something "just in case" so we can both notice as soon as he starts to urinate. In the beginning he would just release and empty his bladder; now, he will just barely start and if I pick him up, he'll stop and wait 'till I get him to the toilet or his little Ikea LÄTTSAM Potty.

Take Away

Long story short, EC would be way easier if I could just hold Jax out any time he needed to go and it would fall somewhere, like the grass, where it wouldn't matter. Because we have carpeting, and generally wherever is not an acceptable location, we use a back up system. My Mom shared with me all about split pants being used with toddlers in China this way, and I have since read more anthropological information about how other cultures deal with children and infants eliminating. It's actually quite interesting.

I know EC isn't for everyone, and, I know it sounds weird and crazy to lots of folks. On the other hand, it works for us. When Jax makes a great big bowel movement in the toilet and grins at me, I grin back. He feels better and one swipe is better than five wipes. I also know I'm not hard core enough to just suck it up and deal with the misses of going 100% diaper free. I think that's the great thing about EC... it's not really about potty training, it's about communicating better with your child.

P.S. I just discovered this awesome blog today, Do-it-yourself EC, with posts on how to make some home-made EC stuff and I thought this would be the perfect place to link to it! It not only talks about EC, it's all crafty and sewy and stuff!

Antarctica Embraces Cloth Diapers

Having a baby is generally not a total shock, you often get to know as many as eight or nine months ahead of time that someone of the diaper wearing age is about to join your family. (Notable exceptions being friends who adopt on short notice). Hence, I figured since diapering is one of the biggest expenses to accompany a new baby, I'd try to plan ahead to budget for it. Because I've been asked several times about our decision to use cloth, I thought I'd put my diaper notes together.

First things first, I'm by no means an expert. I've been doing it for six months and think it's pretty crazy easy, good for cutting down landfill junk, and a big money saver. Let me also preface this by saying that cloth diapering may not be for everyone. It works for us. It makes sense for us. I've had folks ask about it, and the best jumping off point I've found is DiaperSwappers.com; but you're reading this because you wanted to know what the Queen of the Penguins does with her chick.

What We Penguins Do:

We use BumGenius 3.0 one size and they’re pretty darn easy. I honestly chose them based solely on internet research before I knew anyone in person who uses any cloth diapers *other than the old school pins plus cotton square aka prefolds*. Anyway, these have snaps to size up or down so they'll fit for years, are structured like “disposables” with Velcro, use waterproof cloth on the outside, and have a microfiber soaker insert. We pull those out, and throw it all in a pail, dump it in the washer and wash once on cold (to rinse), then once on hot with about 2 Tablespoons of Rockin’ Green Detergent. (I currently love Smashing Watermelons in Classic Rock)

The wipes are just squares of cloth serged around the edges. I keep a squirt bottle with a couple drops of baby lotion and a couple drops of baby body wash to a cup or so of water and wet down wipes as needed. They get thrown in the diaper bucket. I also now use these for nose blowing and cleaning, they’re handy and one less disposable thing I’m throwing away.

I do diaper laundry about twice a week and have started drying them outside using these nifty octopus hangers, the Pressa, from IKEA. I also have a “wet bag” for the dirties on the road. I "strip" the diapers about once a month by doing a hot soak and adding a little bleach.

Why We Cloth Diaper:

I’d like to claim cloth diapering was all about the environment or what not, because that is important... but, really, it’s mostly about economics. Say you find REALLY cheap disposables for 15 cents a piece. Lets also say you use very few, like 8 a day (We tracked it, and Jax averaged close to 11 for the first few months and is now closer to 9 a day.) That means in one year you’re talking $438 (0.15*8*365). Plus however much wipes are.

Lets say you went over to CottonBabies.com and bought two twelve packs of brand spanking new bumGenius 4.0 diapers at $203.40 a piece for $406.80... (I’d suggest going with the recently discontinued 3.0 line, or going used at DiaperSwappers.com, or looking for a sale or deal, but lets just say, for the sake of argument, that you go new) and two sets of wipes at $11.95 each for $23.90 (again, not sure why you’d spring for brand new brand name pieces of serged flannel, but, say you do) that puts your total at $430.70 (free shipping).

If you add in the laundry costs, then it could, technically, be more expensive to cloth diaper. Until you add that second year, which doubles the cost of disposables and only the laundry prices for cloth... and, unless you really rock the EC and go diaper free, *see next post,* I’m betting you’re going to need diapers for closer to two years minimum.

To be more realistic, disposables seem to average closer to 20 cents a pop, we used closer to 10 diapers a day putting that total estimate at a much heftier $730. I also had no idea how to include wipes in the disposables pricing.

You could also use Econobum diapers with covers and prefolds from the same site and manufacturer for $99 (two sets of 3 diaper covers with 12 prefolds at $49.95 a piece) plus one set of wipes at $11.95 for a yearly total $110.95.

So, you could be talking $110.95 for cloth vs. $1,460 for disposables over two years... cloth diapering can be even cheaper than that if you go a bit more old school/shop around. Those are my quick thoughts and numbers, I'm sure there's plenty of room for variation. If you're local in Atlanta, you should check out Atlanta Diaper Service as an option and for info.

Oh, and on a total side note, cloth diapers come in about a million super cute colors/patterns/designs. They can pretty much function as bottoms during the summer, and offer a veritable plethora of fashion opportunities if you're into that for your "fluff."

P.S. Expect a bunch more New Mom blogging as I answer the most common questions I'm getting from friends and family. I'm not the expert, I'm just a new mom who is willing to share what I've learned so far.

Gotto Start Somewhere

So, for April, I've decided to actually get on here and type the darn blog. I'm not worried about content or quality, I just want to get my bum in gear and post at least something on here everyday. Maybe even more than once a day! Basically my goal is to get over the weirdness of posting and cut to the chase by actually doing it. I figure maybe this will eventually turn into a homeschool/Mommy blog and if nothing else is a good record for my personal reference.

So, without further ado, here's my lovely day in pictures:

Waking up to my sweet boy.
Finally getting some flowers in my yard.
Hanging out with WiMax... and Jax for some diaper free time.We were much happier after he was done with Tummy Time!That's it for today... so far, so blogged.

Holiday Giveaways

So if anyone's interested there are some great seasonal giveaways here:

Fantabulously Frugal

and here:

Apartment Therapy

SUCK UK - Who Tall Are You Mirror

SUCK UK - Who Tall Are You Mirror

I love this.... how much fun to look and see just how tall you are. Reminds me of one of my favorite songs by "What I Like About Jew."

Books you can't live without: the top 100 | Books | guardian.co.uk

This MEME is often attributed to the Big Read but is
actually from The Guardian and is the Books you can't live without: the top 100 | Books | guardian.co.uk

Let me know how you are doing on this list. (Some of them overlap each other, but it is rather an interesting compendium. I've read 24).

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.

2) Italicize those you intend to read.

3) Underline the books you LOVE.

1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4. Harry Potter series

5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6. The Bible

7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14. Complete Works of Shakespeare

15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien

17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20. Middlemarch - George Eliot

21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens

24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis

34. Emma - Jane Austen

35. Persuasion - Jane Austen

36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis

37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41. Animal Farm - George Orwell

42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving

45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery

47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50. Atonement - Ian McEwan

51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52. Dune - Frank Herbert

53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddo

60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas

66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding

69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie

70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72. Dracula - Bram Stoker

73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75. Ulysses - James Joyce(started)

76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78. Germinal - Emile Zola

79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80. Possession - AS Byatt

81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87. Charlotte's Web - EB White

88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94. Watership Down - Richard Adams

95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas

98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare

99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo